You work out of a Hotel?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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