She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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