it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
