it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
My vagina just recognized that song.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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