I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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