I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
