Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
