I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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