Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize