His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
