just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
