She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
