Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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