Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
