Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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