i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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