oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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