nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
