My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
