Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
