I can tuck mytits in my pants
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
