I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize