we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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