I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
