just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
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