while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
