I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
