my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
