and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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