im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
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They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
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You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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