my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
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