I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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