nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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