Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
