He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
