Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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