Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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