yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I didn't notice because vodka
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
