I can tuck mytits in my pants
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
