just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
