do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
