My liver just broke up with me...
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
