did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
