bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Randomize
