so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
