The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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