My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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