Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
