Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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