I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
