Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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