I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Holy shit dude........stairs
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
