I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize