I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
