did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
