a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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