Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
