It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
