I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
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I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
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You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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