I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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