Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
