and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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