so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
