It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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