i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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