He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
