he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
